Ok trying again...

I have been trying to post for a few days. Grrr I have spent time taking pictures to show you of my latest toy...ooops I mean kitchen gadget. I finally got a new Chef's knife last week along with a new whisk, and new tongs so I can quit burning myself trying to flip tortillas in hot oil in order to make tostadas. I am one happy girl. I know I am a nerd...it takes so little to make this Momma happy. My husband considers himself so lucky that I actually LIKE to get stuff for my kitchen or new household appliances and gadgets. On our first anniversary he got me a rice cooker. I thought I had married a prince. My mom thought I was nuts. She said if my dad ever got her an appliance he would be wearing it permanently fixed on his head. :) Anyway aside from some new kitchen gadgets that is about all that is exciting here. I know we are such partiers.One cute story I thought you Momma's would appreciate was last week when I took the kids on a trail walk and my youngest son was looking in awe at a tree and I asked what he was looking at, just as a jogger passed he said loudly I see a "nosepicker" momma! Once I looked i realized he actually saw a WOODPECKER. I think somewhere I still here the jogger laughing. Oh I had to tell you about the outfit my daughter chose to wear to the store yesterday. I am trying to be one of those cool Mom's who lets them have some freedom of choice in what they wear. I do however have to be a bit "uncool" and insist that she wear clean clothes, and no belly showing. sorry but I am still old fashioned enough to believe that no 8 year old should be showing off their "goodies" by wearing belly tees, low cut halter tops, daisy duke show your bunnies shorts etc. I guess the ultra cool mom award will have to go to Lynne Spears. 'nuff said. :) Anyway I digress. Honey nut chose to pair a pink and yellow and white horizontal striped shirt, paired wisely with a burgandy and plaid skirt,a pastel pink cardigan, white tights, and for the best accessory she chose pink rainboots with purple hearts on them. Stand Back Boys she is my daughter. She of course waited until we went into the store and were waiting in line to check out to ask me rather loudly..."So Mom what do you think of my outfit? I have been asking you since we left the house and you never answered?" Of course all the people in line who looked at her with a humerous grin up until now...switched to giving me death ray looks..as if I was a horrible mom for not answering the important question. Even the mom with the 10 year old son with his finger shoved up his nose, and had so many piercings I was thinking of asking if I could use him to drain my spaghetti. Anyway I finally answered Honey Nut. "Honey your outfit is very colorful and there is no way I could lose you in a store and that is very important to me..wise choice in clothes" I looked back at the lady with the son and she had actually given me a funny grin as if to say "so that is what you should say when you have a kid like mine?" I just got of smiled and gave her a look that said Don't judge me. We Mommas can be so cynical sometimes.



So I got this bulletin on myspace yesterday from a friend of mine and honestly girls this is the funniest thing I have seen in years! I copied and pasted it here for you to read. Oh and please do me a favor and don't have any food or drink in your mouth when you read it. It is Friday and frankly I am too tired to wipe your food off my screen. :) Have a great weekend and Happy Easter!!!!


THE WORKOUT ROUTINE

This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular
workout routine.



Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of
personal training at the local health club for me.


Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football
cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and
give it a try.



I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named
Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics ins tructor and
model for athletic clothing and swim wear.



My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.



MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m.. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well
worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me.


She is something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a
dazzling white smile.

Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the
machines.

I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her
aerobics class after my workout today.

Very inspiring! Belinda was
encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from
holding it in the whole time she was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC
week!

TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.



Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air t h en
she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I
made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.

I feel
GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.



WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter
and moving my mouth back and forth over it.

I believe I have a hernia in
both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop.

I
parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.



Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club
members.

Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when
she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying My chest hurt
when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster.

Why the
Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete
by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.


She s aid some other crap too.



THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin,
cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl.

I couldn't help being a half an
hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.



Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells.

When she was not looking, I ran
and hid in the restroom.

She sent another skinny girl to find me

Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.



FRIDAY:
I hate that snot Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other
human being in the history of the world.

Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic
little cheerleader.

If there was a part of my body I could move without
unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.



Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps.

I don't have any triceps! And if
you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damned barbells or
anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I
landed on a health and nutrition teacher.



Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir
director?

SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice
wondering why I did not show up today.

Just hearing her made me want to
smash the machine with my planner.

However, I lacked the strength to even
use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather
Channel.



SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
thank GOD that this week is over.

I will also pray that next year my
daughter (the little brat) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a
root canal or a hysterectomy.


I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the
floor with diamonds!!!