As a daycare owner and someone who has a long history in childcare both as a preschool teacher, and working with special needs kids I am often asked advice on childcare issues. Recently a parent I know asked me for some advice on discipline. She wanted to know how much was too much discipline. Like many parents these days she was concerned that if she over disciplined her child that someone would call CPS on her. I think it is sad that these days CPS is called so frequently and for little things. CPS workers are also annoyed at how some people call to report things when they are clearly just ticked off at the parent for other reasons and trying to get them in trouble. They would rather help the kids and parents who truly need help.
But I digress this is not meant to a post solely on that issue. :) Instead of telling the parent how to discipline I told her how I handle things and what works for me. I will first make a disclaimer that I am certainly not a perfect parent far from it. However what I gave her was the philosophy I go by...most of the time. My little angels of course have tested me just as everyone else's children have tested them. haha.
My general philosophy is that you should teach as you go instead of only worrying about punishment. For one thing Discipline is part of teaching. The biggest mistake I have seen from parents over the years, as well as in raising my own children is that we as parents tend to get caught up and "fixing" the kids mistakes instead of teaching them the correct way to begin with. We are so worried about what we mistakenly think is discipline when really it is a punishment, that we don't realize that we wind up always punishing misbehavior but forget to spend time teaching along the way. Really it a simple thing to do and does not take much time each day but like keeping up with housework we let it go sometimes and then we are overwhelmed and feel trapped and stuck. We then find ourselves running to the nearest bookstore to buy a ton of books for ideas and they all have opposite opinions and then we really feel lost.
Here is a few ideas of sample behaviors to teach to help ward off some issues:
*self control* instead of putting the child in the inevitable timeout when he/she loses self control, instead set up a game each day for a few minutes (start as young as you can) where you have the child sit in a chair quietly while you set a timer (1 minute per year of age to start then increase as self control increases) and give them a book or something quiet to play or even just have them sit there. When the timer goes off give them a small reward such as a sticker or something and lots of praise. By the time you go to your next doc appt you will be amazed at how well they behave sitting in the waiting room. ;)
*Role Playing* this is a fantastic way to teach your child how to handle different situations they come into. Example : set it up as a game where you the parent gets to pretend to be the child and have the child give you an instruction and you the parent respond how the child has been responding temper tantrum and all...then ask the child how they think you should have responded. Trust me you will be surprised what the kids come up with. then follow through and have the child give you the instruction again and respond the correct way. Then switch roles with your child. It is a safe way for the child(ren) to come up with ideas so the next time they get into a situation they can make better choices.
*charts* Cannot say enough good things about these. they are very effective for encouraging positive behavior and the best thing is you can wean the child off them fairly easy as they get better at the problem behavior. They are ALSO great for "catching a child being good" . I use them for when I catch my children doing something nice such as helping their sibling without being asked, or when they remembered to respond correctly and respectfully to another adult.
These are just a few ideas depending on the situation I have more ideas but for the sake of keeping this post under a mile long this is what I have lol. :) Really I know everyone is busy with jobs, sports, everyday hectic life but just a few minutes each day of positive training helps make things a lot easier.
Remember to enjoy your children! They are only young for a short amount of time.
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